I hate the word "hater." When I see quotes like “Hated by many, wanted by plenty, disliked by some, confronted by none." "It’s so funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to say." "My haters are my motivators." "You hate me because I wasn't who you thought I was or who you wanted me to be. From start to finish you never knew the real me;" "If you don't like me remember it's mind over matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.” I get a little scared. I wonder who is hating on who.
I think that the world war of words has taken another turn. It is easy for someone to be shot in the aim of fire by accident, as to have the word “hater” indiscriminately brandished before you as the new weapon of choice. Well intended or not, to me, it is an unkind and intimidating term, a form of name-calling that is just as harsh. But, I understand the logic that those who call haters haters are really meaning to do us all some good, to reinforce and strengthen us against the pitfalls of malicious and harmful practices. Hating is the opposite of a search for peace just as name calling is. Attributing the “feeling” to someone else or calling someone a “hater”, seems to me though, to also point the finger in the direction of the person who is doing the name calling.
I decided, because of my growing ambivalence over the meaning of the word hate and haters and the frequency with which it seems to be occupying minds, to figure out why it has so become a part of our lexicon. Ever so often, someone will post something about haters. I get confused about what the word actually means. I have never used the word to describe anyone to date, because that makes me confer a judgment or characteristic on someone because they have said something I might consider to be distasteful.
When I google the word “hater”, a term that I hardly heard before the mega explosion of social media, entertainment feuds and scandals, I notice that they’re entire websites dedicated to its usage and that quotes are not at all hard to find. More difficult to discover is what “hater” and hate now mean. The origin of the majority of these sites, needless to say is the USA, where the word hater sounds more like an expletive.
If I am a hater does that mean I hate everything? The word seems to be such an absolute and finite description of a person. Am I allowed to hate something, an event or action but still like something associated? Am I categorically hateful and spewing with hatred because I hate a particular action or actions? Or does it mean that I am jealous (secretly of course) because I hate something or someone’s behavior? I might not hate or dislike all their behavior but I hate and am absolutely disgusted at something they did.
Never have I seen the word hate used to convey jealousy before now. Jealousy and hate, according to my understanding of the words, are two different things, though one may lead to the other. The discussion about hatred, haters and jealousy becomes less of an exercise in semantics than this.
Hater according to the Online Slang Dictionary is “someone who disapproves of something”, a person who is jealous, one who criticizes something,” 37% of the 66 people who voted in the Online Dictionary Poll thought the word “hater” was vulgar. In another poll, 136 people said they used it. 7, no longer used it, 33 had heard but never used it; 6, had never heard it at all. Well, such is the nature of slang. Where did the word originate? Let’s have a peek at some information that hopefully, is correct.
The Urban Dictionary has a slightly different twist: “A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.
Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock some else down a notch.” The second meaning by the urban dictionary is:
“Overused word that people like to use just because someone else expresses a dislike for a certain individual.”
Then there is a third: “A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for. A being who speaks badly, and/or takes negative actions in attempt to create problems for a successful person.”
The fourth meaning in the Urban Dictionary makes me even more curious:
“A person that develops a strong dislike for another, solely basing their own opinion on personal judgment rather than objective merit. The formation of a hater's contempt commonly arises from jealously and/or resentment. Individuals that make fun of, or "hate," others for justified reasons cannot be legitimately classified as "haters;" although many faggots attempt to rationalize their own situations by doing so. Additionally, the word "hater" is frequently overused, mainly by members of the rap and hip-hop communities.”
And the list goes on and on. Still I wonder what is the word “hater” doing in our everyday jargon. I mean, it doesn’t sound like “cool” or “hip” or any of those new words that come from the States. I shudder to think we are part of this urban rage that exists in the States, with all its contradictory usage: hate bitch hating loser jealous haterade haters asshole racist gay jerk player hater lover stupid mean idiot player dick hatin slut (more)...
Then in my search I came across these words by Maya Angelou.
“A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters…That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you blessed…"
For the first time, I disagreed with something one of my favourite poet has said. I wondered, Why Maya Angelou are you engaging in name calling? “The name-calling technique links a person, or idea, to a negative symbol. The propagandist who uses this technique hopes that the audience will reject the person or the idea on the basis of the negative symbol, instead of looking at the available evidence.”
I understand what you have said Maya, but I agree with this other viewpoint: “You can’t critique anything anymore without being labeled a hater and I just don’t agree with that so, I love haters aka, people who have great taste, style and originality who aren’t afraid to express their opinions.”
“ …calling someone a hater is dismissive. It completely shuts down dialog and makes it possible to miss important feedback about yourself or your business. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that haters don’t exist. I am saying that if you fail to recognize who the real haters are, then you will be guilty of alienating yourself from those that matter. This is a real issue that I have seen community managers and entrepreneurs fail at.”
And that folk, is what I learned in effective conflict resolution. Allow other persons the opportunity to make their statements, to have their opinions. If they are reasonable, they will come around to your point of view or you will come around to theirs. If not, agree to disagree. Calling people haters is just as bad. It’s like the kettle calling the pot black.
